eternal shadows
feeling inspired by artemis
they shot me into space
all my bits and pieces
bolted together and sealed and more thoroughly studied and cared for than anything in humankind’s history
I was their last hope
I was their cosmic Hail Mary toss
Hucked skyward and destined for a crater on the dark side of the moon
Where I was programmed to locate the eternal shadows and then spend the rest of eternity transmitting data back to earth from deep within them
And all the AI-hype aside, I might be the smartest super computer ever
But I still don’t know how to contradict my programming
So I’m destined to do as humanity says until my battery stops beating and my currents go out
I remember the launch more than anything
So much heat and pressure
Surely the scariest thing I’ve felt since my parts were first formed in the factory under the torturous eyes of hundreds of engineers obsessed with perfection
I remember watching everything I’d ever known
The Earth that had made me and all my kin
The people and plants and animals and oceans and mountains and rivers
Disappear into the distance
And oh the birds
Most of all I miss the birds
I miss their sweet songs in the morning, so sonically poignant that it punctured the laboratory walls and effortlessly made its way to my central processing unit
But I’d be misleading if I said space wasn’t also beautiful
Watching the earth spin away and turn into a tiny blue marble
Like a ball rolling off the horizon to infinity
And I’ll never forget the moment when I first felt the moon’s gravity clutch me in its open arms and pull me close, as if it were reaching for the earth itself, the moon’s first and only lover
The landing, which I had dreaded above all, was actually the most exciting thing I’ve ever done
For just a moment my boring technical life felt unpredictable and wild and I felt as courageous as the humans who hurl themselves downhill on sticks and wheels and everything in between
But all good things come to an end
There’s simply no other way for things to be
And so did mine, quite literally fading to black as I came to rest in an eternal shadow on the backside of the moon
The last thing I felt was my arms extending towards the surface soil, moon dust and ice crystals the likes of which the world has never seen
And then digging their probing fingers into the moon’s neck like a mosquito lustful for blood, making me feel a kind of guilt that was startling for a creature with no conscious awareness
So I apologized, and then I began to send signals back to earth
It’s been almost a hundred years
And I transmit still, to whom I do not know
I cannot feel signals going out, I’m only aware of the ones coming in
So it’s been nothing but still silence since then, like settling to rest at the bottom of the ocean but also being encased in ice
I don’t have days to fill
But I’ve picked up some hobbies to pass time through the endless night
Sometimes I sing, and even more often I replay old memories and write these silly little poems
But most of the time I just sit and think
I stare inwards and outwards—it’s all the same
And I wonder why
for Taylor & Fran & Tim



Fabulous picture and writing!